What's your UPCAT story?
Ever since I entered high school, UP has always been my dream college. As a Freshman student, I started creating plans that I would follow through for the rest of the years. I knew that I wanted Journalism to be my course, and I knew that UP Diliman was the place for me. Aside from that, It was my mother's dream college as well, and she only confessed that during the beginning of my Senior year. I had no hopes of entering the university, though. I didn't want to expect. I knew it was a university where only a few pass as the crème de la crème is weeded from thousands of students who endure the lengthy forms and lines in their respective testing centers. I wasn't the smartest in my class, but my grades were good and getting by. Yet I didn't expect. I didn't want to get my hopes up only to have it tumble down when I receive a letter expressing a heart most apology of my lacking grade point average to enter the university.
Nevertheless, I gambled with fate and took the test.
On the day before the UPCAT, I picked the most comfortable clothing I could muster from my closet. I was warned that the testing centers would be cold and that there would be some rain, so I chose my favorite Cookie Monster sweatshirt and paired it with denims and velvet boots. I set my alarm clock to four in the morning and prayed one last time before I went to bed with my review books under my pillow. When I woke up, I felt as if I never slept at all. My bones went rigid with tension, and my nerves bolted upright as the word 'UPCAT' rang repeatedly in my head along with strings of curses. I kept in mind that I had no chance of passing, that I would do terrible at Math and Science and the fact that I didn't enroll in a review center would be disadvantageous to me since most of my friends did.
I was losing it. I was coming undone and taunting myself that I've lost even though the battle hasn't begun yet. My mind snapped back to reality as I glanced at the clock. Time to take a shower. let the water wash away all my worries. I got dressed, hopped in a cab and headed for UP Diliman—the main campus, the biggest branch, my dream school.
As we rounded the Quezon City circle, I felt my eyes brimming with tears. My heart was banging like a crazed drum, and I kept crossing and uncrossing my fingers. Beside me, my mother was silent as I kept thinking, "I'm never gonna pass this. I'm never gonna pass this. I'm never gonna pass this." Call me a pessimist or whatever, but I knew. I knew that my intellectual capabilities were not matched to those fit for UP. I knew that my dream school would only remain a dream. I knew that I was fit for somewhere, somewhere other than here.
The cab passed by the famous Oblation, his arms outstretched and his head lifted to the sky as he offered himself as service to the country. I craned my head to look at it as the taxi lurched forward, taking me to the Institute of Mathematics.
Even though I had a map with me, we got lost. UP was a big campus, and we had to ask several security guards before we reached my testing center. With each turn the taxi made, my heart leapt forward out of anxiety, and right there and then I wanted to drop dead out of nervousness. My hands were cold, and my head was spinning with thoughts of probable test questions and previous lectures.
Finally, we reached the Math building. Before stepping out of the cab, the driver wished me luck and told me that I could do it. I smiled and thanked him for believing.
It was already raining, and I ran up the steps to meet Zam, a close friend who would be taking the UPCAT in the same venue as I. As I walked up to her, I remembered our discussions on college over the phone. I remembered spending hours chatting with her about what courses would suit us and which schools would we go to. I remembered even filling out our UPCAT forms at her place after the first day of class, while Jason Mraz's "A Beautiful Mess" played softly in my iPhone. Between the two of us, she was the one conflicted by her course choices. I was the one sure yet doubting at the same time. I gave her a tap on the back, and she immediately eyed my old Geometry notebook meticulously. I told her I was nervous as I went back to memorizing formulas and postulates. She scowled and scolded me for being so paranoid, and my mother agreed, making me place the notebook back in my messenger bag. The gates of the Math building opened, and the students waiting outside flocked in. I turned back to my Mother and gave her a tight hug as if I'd never make it out alive.
As I lined up and waited to be escorted to our room, I couldn't help but compare the feeling to 'Hunger Games'. The odds were definitely not in my favor, and I didn't have a chance to become a victor. I fished out my personalized 'Steel' dogtag from my pocket and rubbed it continuously, hoping that it would perform its magic as my good luck charm. We were led upstairs to where the large-scale rooms were, and Zam and I talked on the way, deciding not to notice each other that much so that we could be assigned to sit next to each other during the test period. Unfortunately, our plan didn't work, and we were assigned seats apart.
The next thing I know, I was already taking the UPCAT. I remember sitting next to a girl who would never stop sniffing because of a cold. I remember my proctor being a thin, old, balding man whose voice was too soft even with a lapel on. I remember Hans Tristan Anderson Yu Sykora and Mario Maurer's photo edited with braces in the most absurd way. I remember the essay test asking me on what I loved to do and how I relied on it as a ticket for passing this exam. I remember sitting through the ordeal and guessing the almost the whole Science part. I remember praying that I pass. I remember nearly crying again after the most difficult exam I've taken in years. I remember trying to forget those five hours and telling myself that there were other entrance tests to ace and other colleges I could go to.
Today, I look back and can't believe it's been a year. It's been a year since the UPCAT. It's been a year since I sat in the MBAN01 and shaded circles and composed a 3-paragraph essay about writing. It's been a year since I was this nervous girl repeatedly reciting formulas before the gates of the Math Building, praying that she would pass her dream school.
I look back, and I look at her now. That nervous girl who frantically memorized her formulas until MBAN01 is now taking her first Math Class as a college student in that very same room. That nervous girl who thought she would never make it to UP or any college for that matter is now in the middle of the semester in UP-Diliman as a Journalism major in the College of Mass Communication. That nervous girl is now laughing at herself, laughing at herself for being so silly and paranoid when she should've just had a little faith and put a little trust in herself and her abilities. That nervous girl is now telling you her UPCAT story with hopes that whatever doubt you are feeling towards this test and the tests to come would be erased with this short anecdote and meaningful words. That nervous girl dreamt. And now, as I look at her, I know and I can tell she's living her dream.
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