IT WAS NEVER RANDOM

I’ve always had a thing for random number generators and Magic 8 balls. 

I was always indecisive. And so, I relied on a flick of a wrist to make my decisions. A corresponding number would mean ‘yes’, and a string of words inscribed on a small triangle immersed in a bluish liquid would mean ‘no’. A sign on the street would tell me where to really go, and a statement printed on a bright, yellow shirt would become the mantra of the day. Illogical as it may seem opposed my calculating nature, I depended on these products of probability and chances of fate. 

But in the end, I wonder, was it ever random? In the end, was everything in my life a push of luck? 

I think not. 

It was never random.  It was never random at all. 

Every time I pushed that button, shook that ball and eyed those words, I knew it was never random. There was never coincidence or fate. There was never luck or chance. There was only me and the decisions I knew how to make. There was only me and the bigger blueprint. Only me and the greater scheme of things. And even though I have no mathematical equations to show you or scientific theories to support these arguments, I knew the decisions I made were not out of ‘randomization’ or a simple game of ­‘eenie-meenie, minie-mo.’. They were made of plans, dreams and a little leap of faith.

I’ve been in college for a month now, and I’m surviving it. In fact, I am in love with it. I’m in love with late nights out and tedious readings and naps between breaks. I’m in love with a new set of friends, with broken sandals and getting caught in the rain. I’m in love with the time I can control, with new responsibilities and obligations awaiting me as I set foot on new avenues. I’m in love with the decisions I’m making, and I’m proud of it. I’m proud of the opportunities I’m grabbing and the opportunities I’m letting go of… or learning to let go of. 

I’m proud, because for once, I know where I’m going.  

And this time, I need no sign to tell me.